We all say we don't "have time" for various things, but lately I've replaced that phrase. I now say I don't "make time" because I've become increasingly aware of the abundance of time, even for those of us who claim to be the busiest.

Somehow we usually accomplish what's most important to us; protestations that we can't often mean we don't want to admit where our real priorities lie.

For example, here are the necessary things I did today:
--Washed two loads of laundry
--Completed a major chunk of a consulting project due next Friday
--Wrote most of a Buzz column for Christian Standard
--Balanced my checkbook (to the penny, thank you)

Here are unnecessary things I did today:
--Watched funny videos on YouTube
--Added bookmarks to my Yahoo account
--Looked online for houses I can't afford to buy
--Found friends on Facebook (and briefly considered creating a page for my cat)
--shopped for clothes I don't need (Hey, 50% off WITH free shipping. C'mon.)
--Watched most of Gone with the Wind

Here are things I didn't do today:
--Work out
--Read my Bible (or anything else)

So while I would say I value my physical, spiritual, and intellectual health more than surfing the internet, shopping, and working, the list of what I made time for tells a different story.

Recently my dad wrote a great editorial on waiting which included research from a Wall Street Journal article about employees forced to wait on the actions or decisions of a boss. The situation negatively affected office morale, and the article discusses "workers who accomplished little or quit altogether because of waits they were forced to endure by slow-to-respond higher-ups."

The article goes on to say the people often quit too soon, and dad makes the connection to our spiritual life. In contrast to the experience of these dispirited workers, he writes, waiting on God is different because the Bible connects it with hope.

That's true, but when it comes to certain prayers I'm more like the frustrated employees. I've prayed for several things--God honoring, kingdom-building things--for over ten years. That's a short time compared to the petitions of many, but it's long enough to prompt a reassessment. Perhaps my Boss has decided and acted on these prayers--and the answer is no. If so, there's little reason to stubbornly persist with them.

Even if He hasn't yet acted, it seems long-term unanswered prayer can actually be harmful. Proverbs 13 tells us "hope deferred makes the heart sick." If years of praying are met only with years of deferment, is continuing to hope really the wisest course? At what point does hope become a liability?

For me, at the ten-year mark.  I used to pray with the "name it and claim it" mentality, and assumed that sincere prayers for good things would eventually be answered. Waiting "in expectation," as David writes in Psalm 5, meant biding my time until God saw it my way and gave me the job, insight, or relationship I wanted. 

Problem is, the answers I've specified may or may not be on God's agenda. It's one thing to wait for the best--it's quite another to assume I know what that is. 

Einstein said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I've prayed the same prayers for ten years and nothing's changed--except me. So I'm taking that as the answer, retiring those prayers, and replacing them with requests for the patience and grace to accept any outcome. Those character qualities may not be what I originally wanted, but they're worth waiting for.

Russ stories

East 91st Street Christian Church set up a blog honoring Dr. Russ Blowers who passed away last week after several months of illness. In his 83 years, Dr. Blowers blessed thousands of people, and stories have begun trickling in about his sense of humor, his humility, and his care for other people. It is great fun to read if you knew Russ at all, and very challenging--I hope my legacy can be even a fraction of his.

To read the stories and contribute your own, click here.

Yesterday I had the privilege of attending morning services at Redeemer Presbyterian Church in NYC. The church is well-known for its emphasis on classical and jazz music, its church planting, and its well-spoken pastor Tim Keller. I enjoyed each of these things, plus the flashes of nostalgia for my four years at a PC-USA college. It was a great morning.

But one of the most interesting moments had nothing to do with Bach's Trio Sonata in G Major or the insightful sermon on money--it was the brochure for Redeemer's Entrepreneurship Initiative and its upcoming Business Plan Competition.

The church launched the initiative last year to start organizations that meet unmet needs and live out the gospel. Three new companies (an "environmental networking site," a nonprofit organization providing medical services to needy New Yorkers, and a theater company for Christian playwrights) successfully began after last year's competition, and winners of this year's contest will also receive Redeemer resources to start well.

I love this--for one thing, it puts real legs of money and coaching on the more theoretical goals of "helping the poor" or "serving the city." 

And it also honors God, the original entrepreneur. "See, I am doing a new thing!" he reminds us. "Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?" 

Kudos to Redeemer for partnering with God in creation and restoration.

Radar magazine isn't my only unsolicited subscription. (Perhaps I have a multiple personality who loves to receive mail. Or maybe I just have a tendency to sign up for things and forget. Not sure.)

Whatever the reason, I also receive periodic emails from Dan Gilliam, a musician, artist and author who recently published God Touches with Standard. Last week the email included an excerpt from his new project, a still-in-process book entitled The Journals of Jesus. Here's a paragraph I particularly liked:

I can't remember. I know I am supposed to know something but I cannot remember what. There was something before now, something very significant, something supernatural.......I feel ancient in this youthful, 30 year old, frame--ancient as the desert, ancient as the moon, older than the mountains and the seas. In my body I am young. But in my spirit, in my mind, I am very old. I am old. I Am.

The Bible doesn't say exactly when Jesus became aware of his identity and calling, but I've always thought God probably revealed it to him a piece at a time, over time. As always, the incarnation surprises and fascinates me, and I love Dan's interpretation.

Target's been selling wrapping paper and artificial trees for weeks already, but this thought kicked off my own celebration of Christmas.

Several months ago I began receiving Radar magazine for no reason at all. I didn't subscribe, and I'd barely heard of it. However, being a magazine junkie who regularly shuffles unread issues of Martha Stewart Living, Entertainment Weekly, and, yes, Christian Standard from room to room, I was delighted to receive yet another fun periodical in the mail. Apparently I am subscribed until June 2008.

And that's okay because--although it isn't my favorite magazine--I really like the "Radar 100," a list that appears on the last page of each issue. Here are some favorites from the most recent one: 100 self-help books you can do without.

--He's Just Not That Into You: He's Into Your Hotter, Less Whiny Friend 

--Conflict Resolution, the Pol Pot Way 

--101 Half-Truths to Tell Your Mother About the Nursing Home 

--Six Weeks and $80,000 in Elective Surgery to a Better You

--The All Food Court Diet 

--Complaining Your Way Into His Heart 

--Tuesdays with Maury Povich

I'm sitting in the C terminal at Nashville airport, waiting for some hail and lightning to clear out. My flight's now three hours behind schedule and counting, and my years-long record of having a problem on every trip is still going strong. My family refuses to travel with me.

I'm headed to California for a few quick days of organizational consulting, time with friends and--at least once--being prodded into wakefulness at 5 a.m. by four year-old Avery looking for chewing gum. I can't wait, which makes these delays all the more frustrating.

I like Nashville a lot, and most days I think moving here was the right decision. It's wonderful to see my family more than once or twice a year, to experience seasons again, and to remember houses really can cost less than $700,000.

But sometimes appreciating my new home is a lot like enjoying a long-term relationship; the decision has been made for all the right reasons, but the "in love" feelings come and go. Sometimes I long for my life back west. I did, after all, live there almost five years, longer than I've lived anywhere as an independent adult. Although I didn't realize it at the time, it became a home, and now I'm homesick.

So I choose to love Nashville, but this week I'm having an affair with California. If I ever get out of here.