first, do no eHarmony

Neil Clark Warren must be laughing all the way to the bank. Millions of people have subscribed (at $20-$50 a month) to his online dating service, eHarmony, since its launch in 2000. In 2006, the site announced over 16,000 eHarmony couples had already married, and hundreds more hopefuls join the site each day. Users are attracted to the Christian branding (Warren initially marketed the site through Focus on the Family) and patented "personality profile" which allegedly matches you to singles with whom you share sociability, energy levels, intellect, and other characteristics.

This weekend I'm in Colorado for the wedding of one of my closest friends, who met her soon-to-be-husband online, and in the past couple of weeks I've reconnected with several other friends who met their spouses through online dating services. Online dating seems to have lost its stigma (although several of those friends still hesitate to tell others they met through a website), but I remain skeptical.

Time magazine recently named eHarmony one of its 5 worst websites; "Our main beef with this online dating site is its power to cause utter despair," they wrote. I experienced more disbelief than despair; one match was most passionate about, and I quote, "Wielding the sword of truth against the powers and principalities of darkness" (yikes). Another claimed to routinely fall asleep in the shower (how is one question; why he chose to reveal that to a total stranger is another). I "talked" to a variety of others, including one I dated for several months before realizing we were actually spectacularly incompatible. Thanks, Neil Clark.

Perhaps despair IS more like it--this is who I'm most compatible with in "29 different dimensions"? What does that say about me??

Whether it's Match.com, Yahoo Personals, or eHarmony, I'm glad my dear friends are finding love online. But I don't plan on trying it again. Maybe it's pride--I'd still rather tell my grandkids a meet cute story than a met online one--or maybe it's just dating fatigue. "I'm terrible at matching my clothes," said one of my eHarmony matches. "This is kind of a last-ditch effort at finding someone," said a second. "I really like to give high-fives," shared yet another. Even The Committee seems successful compared to this.

spring turkeys

For Memorial Day weekend I traveled north to Pittsburgh to attend Springfest, a yearly reunion of my best friends from college. SF weekends typically include a Pirates game, an all-afternoon picnic including cotton candy, snow cones and the ritual frying of a huge turkey, golfing, t-shirts with the year's logo, and more--it's quite the production. Since this was year ten ("Springfest X--everything to eXcess") the long weekend also included a Friday night cocktail party, an optional 5k run (guess whether I opted for running or sleep) and brunch/closing ceremonies this morning.

My last Springfest was eight years ago and my last time in the 'burgh was 2001. A move to California interrupted those relationships and it was a joy to reconnect with this dear tribe of friends I lived, studied, ate, and laughed with through four cold Pennsylvania school years.

In many ways I found our friendships comfortingly the same, and we picked up as if no time had passed. Almost as nice, however, was seeing what has changed--the notoriously short-tempered guy who has mellowed into a patient, good-humored father of preschoolers (and who kept his cool even when the four-year-old locked them out of their van minutes before departure time); the driven career woman who is now considering the timing of her first child; the lovely men and women who married my friends and joined our little family.

Some of us have money, some don't. Some are married, some are single. Some are Christians, some aren't. Somehow it still works, and I didn't realize how much I missed them until I saw them all again and ate some fried turkey.

goodbye, Maria

A few hours ago, the five year-old daughter of Christian music artist Steven Curtis Chapman was killed after her teenage brother accidentally hit her while driving the family's Toyota Land Cruiser down the driveway.

Steven Curtis and his wife not only adopted this little girl, Maria, they also adopted two other girls and started Shaohannah's Hope to encourage others to care for orphans. Much of SCC's recent ministry has centered around Shaohannah's Hope and his influence has prompted many others to consider creating "covenant homes" for needy children.

Sometimes, in the fog of my own self-absorption, I question why good, God-honoring things I'm pursuing don't work out the way I want, or why I get "punished" when I'm trying to obey God's call on my life. I wonder what the Chapmans are thinking tonight.

SATC

Maybe it's because, like Carrie, I write a published column (and this blog) and spend quite a bit of time pondering life in front of my Mac. Maybe it's because, like Carrie, I spent years of my life clutching the safety bar in a roller-coaster relationship with my own black-haired, blue-eyed, manipulative-yet-charming Mr. Big. Or maybe it's because, like most women who watch the show, I love the clothes.

Whatever the reason, I admit it: I love Sex and the City, and I can't wait for the movie at the end of this month.

The show earns its name--it's filled with the raunchy and the racy--but I watch for the relationships among the four women. Yes, that sounds like the old "I read Playboy for the articles" line, but it's true. In fact, I watch the show on network reruns (rather than DVD or online) where the more graphic language and explicit scenes have been edited out and the real power of the show--its funny, insightful writing and excellent acting--can shine.

Throughout six seasons Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda and Samantha experience life as single women. They live complex lives and ask difficult questions: Do women just want to be rescued? Can you make a mistake and miss your fate? Are we getting wiser, or just older? Each episode attempts an answer, and includes more than sex, or even romantic love--the real focus is the friendship and love among these four friends.

YouTube doesn't currently offer my favorite examples: the episode in which Miranda discovers she's accidentally pregnant while Charlotte discovers she can't get pregnant; the one in which each friend offers support for Carrie's heartbreak even while celebrating Charlotte's marriage; the truly wonderful moment when Samantha attempts to hide her breast cancer diagnosis until after Miranda's small wedding reception, telling Miranda, "Go be with your people and we'll talk tomorrow." "You are my people," Miranda says. "Now talk, and don't leave anything out."

So, until those are available, I leave you with this fun moment--and an encouragement to watch the edited-for-network-TV version sometime.

mission accomplished

Well, I will say this for Two Rivers Baptist Church--they successfully shifted the focus from motherhood this past weekend.

The church achieved this by voting out 71 members who had questioned senior minister Jerry Sutton about the church's spending and sued for financial records. The first vote on the issue, held May 4 at the request of Sutton and other church leaders, included the 71 and therefore barely missed the 2/3 majority required by the church's by-laws.

The Tennessean reports that on Sunday "David Mills, a former church trustee and deacon chairman, challenged the legitimacy of counting the votes of the dissident members." Members in the service then voted by a show of hands to remove those 71 votes from the count and the 71 people from church membership.

One of the 71, Dennis Shipp, taught a Sunday school lesson earlier that morning on the story of Joseph returning to relationship with his brothers and said the plaintiffs were "ready to reconcile." The paper reports "Shipp learned of his ouster upon entering the sanctuary after the vote had been taken."

When I suggested a less mother-centric approach to Sunday's worship, I was thinking of something like my own church's lovely services in which every hymn, chorus, reading and piece of visual art was written or painted by a woman. Maybe Two Rivers could try that next year.

your mama

A couple of my friends lost their mom in a car wreck several years ago. Other friends tolerate relationships with their mothers ranging from strained to abusive to non-existent. Two friends struggled with infertility issues for years and almost adopted a baby only to have the birth mother change her mind at the last minute. Two others adopted a child; she's now an adult, an addict, and a prodigal who's left them to raise a grandchild. Some of my single friends long for a child of their own and don't appreciate the reminder of another year ticking by. And one friend is currently undergoing shots, tests and ultrasounds to try to become pregnant. She'll find out Monday--the day after Mother's Day--if she's carrying a baby.

Given all the complex emotions surrounding motherhood--being one or having one--I wish churches showed more sensitivity in recognizing Mother's Day each year. I suppose there's no harm in acknowledging it, but leaders must realize the day is not all corsages and overpriced buffets. For every woman experiencing hope or happiness this Sunday, another will be working through grief, regret, or anger.

So if you're wrapping up (or just starting) your remarks for this weekend, please consider the range of life stages and hurts represented in your congregation. Each of the friends I mentioned will be in church this Sunday morning--they could be in your church.

Oh, and a hint for next year: this does not mean adding baby dedication to the morning's activities. Wound, here's some salt--start rubbing.

pros and cons

The top shelf of my closet is now cleaned out......................... because the huge Rubbermaid storage container filled with bed linens fell on my head.

I am now at my goal weight..................because the stomach flu doubled back for one last hurrah before summer in Tennessee.

I am getting to know my neighbors..........................because someone pulled the fire alarm for my building at 3:00 Sunday morning and it took the fire department 20 minutes to get there and turn it off.

I've had better weekends.

reservations required

In sixth grade my Sunday school teacher asked, "If there was no heaven, would you still be a Christian?" The answer he was looking for (which I didn't understand then) was yes, because even if there was no life after death the opportunity to know God in this life is worth it.

I agree with that now, but for those not yet convinced ReserveASpotInHeaven.com ensures that, regardless of your choices in this life, you can spend the next one in comfort.

The Essential kit (for $12.79) includes your reservation and first class ticket, Official Heaven Identification Card, and a "Heaven 101" guide to help you get acclimated (so to speak).

Pay three bucks more and get the All-Access kit, which includes all items from package one PLUS a VIP pass to allow entry to exclusive areas like the Land of Milk and Honey.

Understandably, all sales are final but the site offers a 100% satisfaction guarantee--"If for any reason you do not make it to Heaven then we will refund your money with no questions asked," they promise.

And for that impossible elder or the church member who has everything (and refuses to tithe on it), these same low prices also allow you to reserve a spot in hell. Hey, Mother's Day includes mothers-in-law, people. Shop now.